Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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