oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
