he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
