Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
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