Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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