my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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