Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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