I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
