Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
We need to feng shui this bitch.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
