Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
