I want to stick my p in your. b.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
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