Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
sex in a hospital.. check
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
