I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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