Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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