My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
