I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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