i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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