Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
