I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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