The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
they're like a gay fantastic four
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
