I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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