Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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