I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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