Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
