Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
