her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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