OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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