Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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