Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
