the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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