Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
