Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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