This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
