Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
there is puke in my bra ... again
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
