you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
