I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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