Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
