If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
