my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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