After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
