there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
