They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
