I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
