...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
