ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
