I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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