Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
