I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Randomize
