ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
