i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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