yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
