On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
