the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
