This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
